Man, that's too much for Girl Scout cookies

On the way in to the grocery store yesterday I saw a scene we all know: A card table with a green table cloth and mounds of cookie boxes surrounded by adorable 12 year olds learning some tips in the world of commerce, and raising funds while they sell sell sell those cookies.

I smiled, realizing full well that I would be roped in by those smiling pixies and buy the cookies on my way out for twice the price similar products are sold for in the grocery store...

This had me thinking, and Nogeeshik and I started talking about the fund raising campaign that pops up so often by the girl scouts. One point that really perked me up was that these youngsters are thrown into the fire of consumerism that brings along pressures that they may not be equipped for. Anyone that has worked in retail knows that the one way to sell a product is by guilting people, and perhaps the Girl Scouts of America are using these young girls a bit too much. I know, it seems a bit outlandish at first, but the more I thought of these girls and their early start to a life of wheelin' and dealin' scared me. Luckily, the thought left my mind as we reached the salad dressing aisle, I needed to find some elusive Almond Accents.

Finally we reached the checkout aisle. Since it was a fine sunny day, and Nogeeshik was picking up the grocery bill, I decided to spend a few of my dollars on a scratch lotto card. It's a bit of a guilty pleasure for me and today was a good day for guilty pleasure. We picked up our grocery bags and exited the store.

Boom- we didn't make it two steps out of Acme without a tiny little blonde girl scout recruiting us to their cookie fort. I smiled and told her I would love a box of cookies. Then, for some reason, I thought a lesson could be taught. It was a bad idea in hindsight, but I never really expected it to lift off the ground. I picked up the purple box of cookies and instead of pulling $3 out of my pocket, I pulled out the scratch card I had just bought. I harnessed my inner-Howie Mandel and said to the girls, "I could give you three dollars, or you could take this two dollar scratch card and potentially make three thousand dollars." It was cruel, manipulative, and all around wrong, but in my mind I thought it would be a lesson learned for these girls, and isn't that what girl scouts is all about? Learning valuable lessons? Before I could even reach back in my pocket to actually pay the girls, they accepted with giggles and clenched hands in the air. They were giddy. I was already embarrassed. I was corrupting these girls and stealing their cookies all at once. Somehow, no parents were around to slap me, but the girls were already trying to decide who should scratch the card. I put the cookies down and decided it would be best to just walk away and leave the scratch card for the girls. The idea of a lesson had been completely shot out of my ear and I was now looking around for a state police officer to cuff me and throw me in a cell next to some bookie checking his pager.

Then, as I turned to walk away, in dramatic fashion, the girls started shouting and screaming and running laps around the table in excitement. One yelled "Fifty.... fifty... fifty!!!" I knew then that I had just given away a winning scratch card, which anyone who buys scratch cards knows, is a rare commodity.

I decided maybe I should take the purple box of cookies after all, and I ate the shit out of those cookies.